Recovering from Codependency.

Realizing I was suffering from codependency at the age of 21 was a fucking big deal.  Like I knew something was off about me when I constantly kept brushing off my own desires and needs and kept putting others before me despite not receiving the same from others.

The good thing is, I caught on while I’m still young! 

Many young women fall into this trap of codependency; losing their youth, and sacrificing their  passions for relationships, friendships or even family dynamics, submitting to the whims and cries of everyone else except themselves, and the sad part is, they only realize when they’re much older and upon realization, they either do one of four things. 

1. Live their lives backwards salvaging what’s left of it

2. They try to live vigorously though their offspring, wanting them to be everything that they would have wanted to be

3. They become miserable, broken and bitter and wave the victim flag continuously blaming everyone else for the slightest mishap

4. She may try to find her passion, and live out the rest of her days motivating other women; building and nurturing young women. 

The fourth, is my favorite woman.

Despite that, it’s even better when you realize your destructive patterns early and try to fix what you can, while you strive to discover your purpose. 

Here’s how you can identify patterns of codependency

1. You find it difficult to say no to someone you love

2. You feel guilty for making a choice that would be in your best interest

3. You are overly empathetic to the point of taking on others’ problems

4. You believe you are or you have the solution to everything

5. You feel devastated when someone rejects your help

6. You feel validated and worthy when you sacrifice yourself for someone. 

Now queens, I’m not blaming you for loving in the way we were taught to. 

As young girls, we were often taught either subliminally by a mother who is always sacrificing herself, or out-rightly by persons telling us that choosing ourselves is selfish. 

What we need to do now is embrace higher learning, and higher learning pretty much means unlearning most of what was drilled into your subconscious, and actively think  for yourself. - S. Thompson, 2020. Ha! 

Anyways, recognize your patterns, whether they be healthy or unhealthy. Commend yourself for the healthy ones, and try your hardest to wriggle yourself out of unhealthy patterns as these only hinder you from living your best life. 

In a follow up blog to this, I will definitely explore ways that we can work through losing codependent habits, and even some affirmations that you can use to mentally cement your conscious decision to break free from codependency habits. 

Until then lovelies,

Keep loving and choosing yourselves.